thoughts of a dying atheist

what happened to me... there was no rest. I need some applications to save my soul. I need forgiveness. I wanted to be wrong when everything was great, when everything turned me on. In this moment of time i was already asleep. No one ever felt me, no one ever sight me. Even I tried, i had no escape. I was watching you then i lose you. Very very angry i was. Very very sad the most of the things you said to me. Alles war perfekt!! Das glaube ich! Warum hast du uns nicht vertraut? Warum hast du mich nicht vertraut? Die ganze Welt, alle Leute.. aber keine da.

We were just seconds away, we were just like broken watches, different thoughts, wasted shoes. We felt like brothers but we were so faraway. Miles and miles away... everything was broken, everything was OK, OK and ready, ready to cry away. The wind is blowing, my face is filling with scars with no possible healing. Im so afraid, im taking my soul home, im wasting my opinions, wasting my precious time thinking of nothing. I was feeling like water going thru my hands. Escaping, shouting free. Making my history with no victories. Will i ever feel the same? Will i ever find the moment i changed? Tired of everything, nothing takes me high, nothing surprises me....--------- he puts me out, he pulls me out, out in space.... 12.06.06 Kang "thoughts of a dying atheist"

crimen y castigo

Rodion Romanovich: culpable de doble asesinato, culpable de conciencia, culpable de tener buena suerte, culpable..
Cuando uno comete un delito, del tipo que sea, de la clase que sea, por mínimo daño que se infrinja, siempre nos sentimos casi obligados a contarlo. Hasta incluso pensamos, una vez que re-conocemos nuestro mal, que castigo deberíamos seguir. Casi nunca los castigos son acordes al mal realizado, casi siempre se quedan por debajo. Hay mucha gente que se libra "socialmente" de los castigos, pero es difícil, muy difícil escaparse de la dichosa conciencia... todo se interioriza, se somatiza, y al final, al final surge como un volcán en erupción. como un animal rabioso. No hay escapatoria en ese momento. hay algo superior a todo lo que conocemos que nos domina, algo latente dentro de nuestros cuerpos, algo irracional diría yo... irracional dentro de lo racional, el crimen dentro del castigo, o el castigo dentro del crimen... Tú, joven Raskolnikov, dunechka!, tienes cáncer, algo dentro de ti te recome, algo dentro de ti te destruye, y hasta que no lo dejes salir no te dejará en paz...

P.D. mi castigo ya pasó, cuando estuve a punto de desaparecer completamente pude renacer.. tuve otra oportunidad...

Kang.